最近对Paul Graham有点上头，我第一次知道他是因为《黑客与画家》这本书。他是这本书的作者，译者是阮一峰大佬。

这本书是作者的文集，主要介绍了黑客即优秀程序员的爱好和动机，讨论黑客增长，黑客对世界的贡献以及编程语言，黑客工作方法等所有对计算机时代感兴趣的人的一些话题。如果你是程序员和互联网从业者，这本书特别推荐你读。

介绍完这本书，在介绍它的作者，大名鼎鼎的保罗•格雷厄姆。

作者简介

保罗•格雷厄姆，《黑客与画家》一书的作者，硅谷创业之父。1964年，出生于匹兹堡郊区的一个中产阶级家庭。父亲是设计核反应堆的物理学家，母亲在家照看他和他的妹妹。青少年时代，格雷厄姆就开始编程。但是，他还喜欢许多与计算机无关的东西，这在编程高手之中是很少见的。

保罗•格雷厄姆在康奈尔大学读完本科，然后在哈佛大学获得计算机科学博士学位。1995年，他创办了Viaweb，帮助个人用户在网上开店，这是世界上第一个互联网应用程序。1998年夏天，Yahoo!公司收购了Viaweb，收购价约为5000万美元。

此后，他架起了个人网站paulgraham.com，在上面撰写了许许多多关于软件和创业的文章，以深刻的见解和清晰的表达而著称，迅速引起了轰动。2005年，他身体力行，创建了风险投资公司Y Combinator，将自己的理论转化为实践，目前已经资助了80多家创业公司。现在，他是公认的互联网创业权威。

好了，以下是译文，请欣赏。

养育孩子

原文：《Having Kids》

译者：subond

Before I had kids, I was afraid of having kids. Up to that point I felt about kids the way the young Augustine felt about living virtuously. I’d have been sad to think I’d never have children. But did I want them now? No. 在我的孩子出生以前，我害怕小孩子。在那之前，我对孩子们的感觉就像年轻的奥古斯丁对美德生活的感觉一样。想到我永远不会有孩子，我会很难过。但是我现在想要他们吗？不。

If I had kids, I’d become a parent, and parents, as I’d known since I was a kid, were uncool. They were dull and responsible and had no fun. And while it’s not surprising that kids would believe that, to be honest I hadn’t seen much as an adult to change my mind. Whenever I’d noticed parents with kids, the kids seemed to be terrors, and the parents pathetic harried creatures, even when they prevailed. 如果我有孩子，我就会成为父母，而父母，正如我从小就知道的那样，是不酷的。他们沉闷而负责任，没有乐趣。虽然孩子们会相信这一点并不奇怪，但说实话，作为一个成年人，我并没有看到太多能改变主意的事情。每当我注意到有孩子的父母时，孩子们似乎都是恐怖的，父母是可怜的烦恼生物，即使他们占了上风。

When people had babies, I congratulated them enthusiastically, because that seemed to be what one did. But I didn’t feel it at all. “Better you than me,” I was thinking. 当人们有了孩子，我热情地祝贺他们，因为这似乎是我能做的。但我完全没有感觉到。“你比我好，”我在想。

Now when people have babies I congratulate them enthusiastically and I mean it. Especially the first one. I feel like they just got the best gift in the world. 现在，当人们有了孩子，我会热情地祝贺他们，这次我是认真的。特别是第一个孩子。我感觉他们得到了这个世界上最好的礼物。

What changed, of course, is that I had kids. Something I dreaded turned out to be wonderful. 当然，改变来自我有了自己的孩子。我曾经害怕的事情竟然可以很棒。

Partly, and I won’t deny it, this is because of serious chemical changes that happened almost instantly when our first child was born. It was like someone flipped a switch. I suddenly felt protective not just toward our child, but toward all children. As I was driving my wife and new son home from the hospital, I approached a crosswalk full of pedestrians, and I found myself thinking “I have to be really careful of all these people. Every one of them is someone’s child!” 不可否认，部分原因是当我们的第一个孩子出生时几乎立即发生的、严重的化学反应。就像有人拨动了开关。我突然感到不仅要保护我们的孩子，而且要保护所有的孩子。当我开车带着我的妻子和孩子从医院回家时，我开到一个满是行人的人行横道，我发现自己在想“我必须非常小心所有人。他们每个人都是别人的孩子！

So to some extent you can’t trust me when I say having kids is great. To some extent I’m like a religious cultist telling you that you’ll be happy if you join the cult too — but only because joining the cult will alter your mind in a way that will make you happy to be a cult member. 所以在某种程度上，当我说有孩子很棒时，你不能相信我。在某种程度上，我就像一个宗教邪教徒告诉你，如果你也加入邪教，你会很高兴——但只是因为加入邪教会改变你的想法，让你很高兴成为一个邪教成员。

But not entirely. There were some things about having kids that I clearly got wrong before I had them. 但不完全是。关于孩子，有些事情在我有自己的孩子之前我显然错了。

For example, there was a huge amount of selection bias in my observations of parents and children. Some parents may have noticed that I wrote “Whenever I’d noticed parents with kids.” Of course the times I noticed kids were when things were going wrong. I only noticed them when they made noise. And where was I when I noticed them? Ordinarily I never went to places with kids, so the only times I encountered them were in shared bottlenecks like airplanes. Which is not exactly a representative sample. Flying with a toddler is something very few parents enjoy. 例如，在我对父母和孩子的观察中存在大量的选择性偏差。有些家长可能已经注意到我写了“每当我注意到有孩子的父母时”。当然，我注意到孩子们的时候是事情出错的时候。我只在他们发出噪音时才注意到他们。当我注意到他们时，我在哪里？通常我从不去有孩子的地方，所以我唯一能遇到他们是在飞机这样的公共场所。这不完全是一个具有代表性的样本。与幼儿一起飞行是很少有父母喜欢的事情。

What I didn’t notice, because they tend to be much quieter, were all the great moments parents had with kids. People don’t talk about these much — the magic is hard to put into words, and all other parents know about them anyway — but one of the great things about having kids is that there are so many times when you feel there is nowhere else you’d rather be, and nothing else you’d rather be doing. You don’t have to be doing anything special. You could just be going somewhere together, or putting them to bed, or pushing them on the swings at the park. But you wouldn’t trade these moments for anything. One doesn’t tend to associate kids with peace, but that’s what you feel. You don’t need to look any further than where you are right now. 我没有注意到的是，父母与孩子在一起的所有美好时光里孩子往往更安静。人们很少谈论这些——这种魔力很难用语言表达，反正所有父母都知道——有了孩子最美好的事情是，很多时候你哪也不想去，什么也不想做。你不必做任何特别的事情。可以跟孩子一起去某个地方，或者把他们放在床上，或者把他们推到公园的秋千上。**这样的时刻，任何东西都换不来。**虽然人们不倾向于将孩子与和平联系起来，但这就是你的感受。你不需要看得比你现在所处的位置更远。

Before I had kids, I had moments of this kind of peace, but they were rarer. With kids it can happen several times a day. 在我有孩子之前，我有过这种平静的时刻，但很少见。有了孩子以后，它一天可能会发生好几次。

My other source of data about kids was my own childhood, and that was similarly misleading. I was pretty bad, and was always in trouble for something or other. So it seemed to me that parenthood was essentially law enforcement. I didn’t realize there were good times too. 关于孩子，另一个数据源是我自己的童年，这同样具有误导性。我很糟糕，总是因为这样那样的事情而遇到麻烦。所以在我看来，为人父母本质上是执法。我没有意识到跟孩子在一起也有美好的时光。

I remember my mother telling me once when I was about 30 that she’d really enjoyed having me and my sister. My god, I thought, this woman is a saint. She not only endured all the pain we subjected her to, but actually enjoyed it? Now I realize she was simply telling the truth. 我记得在我大约30岁的时候，我母亲有一次告诉我，她真的很喜欢我和我姐姐。我的天啊，我想，这个女人是个圣人。她不仅忍受了我们给她带来的所有痛苦，而且居然很享受？现在，我意识到她只是告诉我了真相。

She said that one reason she liked having us was that we’d been interesting to talk to. That took me by surprise when I had kids. You don’t just love them. They become your friends too. They’re really interesting. And while I admit small children are disastrously fond of repetition (anything worth doing once is worth doing fifty times) it’s often genuinely fun to play with them. That surprised me too. Playing with a 2 year old was fun when I was 2 and definitely not fun when I was 6. Why would it become fun again later? But it does. 她说，她喜欢和我和姐姐的一个原因是，我们交谈起来很有趣。当我有孩子时，这让我感到惊讶。你不只是爱他们。他们也成为你的朋友。他们真的很有趣。虽然我承认小孩子非常喜欢重复（任何值得做一次的事情都值得做五十次），但和他们一起玩通常真的很有趣。这也让我感到惊讶。2岁时和2岁的孩子一起玩很有趣，6岁时绝对不好玩。为什么以后会再次变得有趣？但它确实如此。

There are of course times that are pure drudgery. Or worse still, terror. Having kids is one of those intense types of experience that are hard to imagine unless you’ve had them. But it is not, as I implicitly believed before having kids, simply your DNA heading for the lifeboats. 当然，有些时候纯粹是苦差事，或者更糟糕的是，恐怖。有孩子是一种强烈的体验，除非你有过，否则很难想象。但正如我在有孩子之前含蓄地相信的那样，它不仅仅是你走向救生艇的DNA。

Some of my worries about having kids were right, though. They definitely make you less productive. I know having kids makes some people get their act together, but if your act was already together, you’re going to have less time to do it in. In particular, you’re going to have to work to a schedule. Kids have schedules. I’m not sure if it’s because that’s how kids are, or because it’s the only way to integrate their lives with adults’, but once you have kids, you tend to have to work on their schedule. 不过，我对有孩子的一些担忧也是对的。有了孩子肯定会降低你的工作效率。我知道有了孩子一家人会一起行动，但如果你们已经经常一起出入了，那你自己的时间就会更少。特别是，当你不得不按时间表来工作。孩子们也有自己的时间表。我不确定这是因为孩子们就是这样，还是因为这是将他们的生活与成年人融合在一起的导致的，但是一旦有了孩子，你往往不得不按照他们的时间表工作。

You will have chunks of time to work. But you can’t let work spill promiscuously through your whole life, like I used to before I had kids. You’re going to have to work at the same time every day, whether inspiration is flowing or not, and there are going to be times when you have to stop, even if it is. 你依然有大块时间来工作。但你不能像有孩子之前那样，让工作穿插你的整个生活。你不得不在每天的同一时间工作，无论灵感是否涌动，甚至有时你不得不停下工作。

I’ve been able to adapt to working this way. Work, like love, finds a way. If there are only certain times it can happen, it happens at those times. So while I don’t get as much done as before I had kids, I get enough done. 我已经能够适应这种工作方式。工作，就像爱情一样，找到了合适的方式。如果只能在某些特定的时间发生，那么它就会在这些时间发生。因此，虽然我没有像有孩子之前那样完成很多工作，但我已经做得足够多。

I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. It hurts to see that sentence written down. I squirm to avoid it. But if there weren’t something real there, why would I squirm? The fact is, once you have kids, you’re probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. Only one idea at a time can be the top idea in your mind. Once you have kids, it will often be your kids, and that means it will less often be some project you’re working on. 我不想这么说，因为雄心勃勃一直是我身份的一部分，但有了孩子可能会让人不那么雄心勃勃。看到这句话写下来很痛苦。我蠕动着避开它。但是，如果那里没有真实的东西，我为什么要蠕动呢？事实是，一旦你有了孩子，你可能会更关心他们而不是你自己。注意力是一场零和游戏。一次只有一个想法可以成为你脑海中的顶级想法。一旦你有了孩子，它通常是你的孩子，这意味着它不会经常是你正在从事的一些项目。

I have some hacks for sailing close to this wind. For example, when I write essays, I think about what I’d want my kids to know. That drives me to get things right. And when I was writing Bel, I told my kids that once I finished it I’d take them to Africa. When you say that sort of thing to a little kid, they treat it as a promise. Which meant I had to finish or I’d be taking away their trip to Africa. Maybe if I’m really lucky such tricks could put me net ahead. But the wind is there, no question. 在这样的事情上，我有一些技巧。例如，当我写文章的时候，我会思考我想让我的孩子了解什么。这驱使我把事情做好。当我写Bel(一种Lisp语言规范)的时候，我告诉我的孩子们，一旦我写完了，我就会带他们去非洲。当你对一个小孩子说这种话时，他们会把它当作一种承诺。这意味着我必须完成，否则我就把他们的非洲之旅搞砸了。也许如果我真的很幸运，这样的技巧可以让我领先。但风就在那里，无人知晓。

On the other hand, what kind of wimpy ambition do you have if it won’t survive having kids? Do you have so little to spare? 另一方面，如果不能在有孩子的情况下生存，你会有什么样的懦弱野心呢？你有什么闲暇时间吗？

And while having kids may be warping my present judgement, it hasn’t overwritten my memory. I remember perfectly well what life was like before. Well enough to miss some things a lot, like the ability to take off for some other country at a moment’s notice. That was so great. Why did I never do that? 虽然有孩子可能会扭曲我现在的判断，但它并没有覆盖我的记忆。我清楚地记得以前的生活是什么样的。好吧，足以错过很多事情，例如能够立即起飞前往其他国家。那真是太好了。为什么我从来没有这样做过？

See what I did there? The fact is, most of the freedom I had before kids, I never used. I paid for it in loneliness, but I never used it. 看看我以前都做了什么？事实是，在有孩子之前拥有的大部分自由，我从未使用过。我在寂寞中度过，但我从未使用它。

I had plenty of happy times before I had kids. But if I count up happy moments, not just potential happiness but actual happy moments, there are more after kids than before. Now I practically have it on tap, almost any bedtime. 在有孩子之前，我有很多快乐的时光。但是，如果让我计算快乐的时刻，不仅仅是潜在的幸福，而是真正的快乐时刻，那么有了孩子以后，这样快乐的时刻比以前更多。现在的我，几乎可以在任何就寝时间使用它。

People’s experiences as parents vary a lot, and I know I’ve been lucky. But I think the worries I had before having kids must be pretty common, and judging by other parents’ faces when they see their kids, so must the happiness that kids bring. 为人父母的经历差异很大，我知道我很幸运。我认为我在有孩子之前的担忧一定很常见，但从其他父母看自己孩子时的表情来看，孩子带来的快乐也是幸福的。

Note 注意

[1] Adults are sophisticated enough to see 2 year olds for the fascinatingly complex characters they are, whereas to most 6 year olds, 2 year olds are just defective 6 year olds. [1] 成年人足够老练，可以看到 2 岁的孩子，因为他们是令人着迷的复杂角色，而对于大多数 6 岁的孩子来说，2 岁的孩子只是有缺陷的 6 岁孩子。

Thanks to Trevor Blackwell, Jessica Livingston, and Robert Morris for reading drafts of this. 感谢Trevor Blackwell，Jessica Livingston和Robert Morris阅读本文的草稿。